The Word I like least, or hate the most...

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Hello my long lost and so very dear friends, watchers, and all-around wonderful and so very bouncy beings!
As you may have noticed, I have not been so around as I was. All of this will come in time, but I will not explain clearly just now. I am so very sorry to have left you, and I assure you that I have had good reason. So, on the heels of failure, tragedy, and chaos I greet you all from the other side…of sorrow and despair, and yes, with a love so vast and so shattered, that it will reach you everywhere. Credit there to Mr. Cohen, and his wonderful lyrics. And also a nod to something I want to say badly. I have been missing birthdays lately, and I am so very ashamed of myself that I have not said anything at all to :iconkaraevickery: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz27b4…
Happy birthday my dear dear friend. Late, yes, but timely nonetheless! :D You are much loved and respected my dear. My love…….and so much more!
These last months, to borrow a phrase from Donovan, have been for me the season of farewell. Long, hot, and draining…as were the days. But I come to you now not with the weary head of loss and regret, or the acrid taste of metal in my mouth,  but with a full and (hopefully) gentle heart. I badly want to say exactly what I'm not, but this is not the time for proving, it is the time for stories. And I have a quick one this time, and not as informative or interesting as usual. Just a memory, really.
There was a day, are you all sitting comfortably? Ahem, there was a day, actually it was night, but there was a date attached. Anyway. I once was at the beach with some friends, and I know the spot so well. La Jolla Cove. There were maybe six or seven of us that night and we went there for little reason. It was a place to go, I suppose. I thought of people carving into trees. You know, Dan loves Betty kind of sh*t. When we all got a little tired of running around and doing awful things to each other, I started dragging my foot on the beach. I still do it, though I do it for my own amusement. Some think I have a limp, and maybe I do. It all started that night. I started to describe a huge heart in the sand. Like a line to cross, I suppose, and maybe in my thenbrain, it was. I then stood right in the middle and dared those with me to step inside. Of course everyone did.
Years later, I still do the same. I do it now, although less visually and less sandy, it is there. I invite you in. It's just that simple. Come on in!
What caused me to remember this was something I told a dear friend tonight. It is something I have always found odd, but not something I readily admit to. People are always saying when you are down, push on, or other things that end in "platitude". For myself, and I will say it aggressively if I must, NO! I carry still the beauty of my dear uncle's mind as I do everyone. Heart, pocket, back. I carry it. Perhaps I am different that way, and perhaps I am not, but the weight of a soul cannot be diminished by others, and I feel that strongly. Of course, I am not speaking scientifically, but as a human that loves, hurts, breathes, and lives. This is the nub, the rub, and the something that rhymes with that to being alive. I speak from a broken heart, a human heart, again, not scientifically, but the "seat of emotion", the part of the brain that was once thought contained in the liver. I love you with all my liver just wouldn't do, I'm afraid, in the end. For me, for mine, it is so very and utterly (good metaphor) full. And the why of this is something I have for so long felt alone with. You can replace or delete files. You can delete phone numbers. I did a few recently, I won't say how many. But all that is YOU screams that you remember. And you really must. That is, my dear friends, what it is about in the end. So I urge you all to try. Rely on your brain! Think. Remember. RE-Member. It is important. RE-Ligion yourselves. Do Religion. Actual. Try to put it all together. Think about it for two. I will give you five. ……..Make your wonderful mark. Piss on a wall. Do something. Be you. More than anything, in honesty, just BE YOU. That in itself is so very glorious and so beautiful. Steal my story too, do that shit, if it causes something to happen. But the overall weight and syrupy mixture of life and other will and should take a toll on you. My best advice, and mind you, it is from ME, is love everyone. As they are, and as you should. And never attempt that stupidity of "forgetting", or worse, covering. My guess, and my experience is that no one really ever does. I don't think I am an Xman, or Xperson, for seeing it or being it clearly.
I will say that if you love my stupid diatribes, then you should know who Gary is. He was and is my uncle. He turned me on to DEVO, for christsakes. And Douglas Adams. When I was eight! You should know who Sarah is. She was and is a brilliant and loving human being. She would go to the wall for any of you that are reading this, for certain! She was hard and so fair with people. I miss her so much.  You should know Amanda, too. She is not only amazing to meet and better to get to know, she won't let me be the idiot I try to be. And she has met me!  My list won't stop, and that's my point. Jessica, Kevin, Natalie, and Mikaela, and Ryan, and Joseph, and Gabe (Proper), and Adolf, and Sal, and Robin, and Stacey, and Alex, and Leilani, and every one of you wonderful people ………….you are all a part of my heart and a part of my brain. You are right here. In short, it is like the lens of your eye. Always in. We never lose those cells, they only accumulate. As do the people we care for. To forget would be such a sad waste. And a lie. My heart is so full, my friends, and it spills over. The weight of this should and must be bourn, and I have such a love that I must knock down walls. You made that, and I can't thank you enough. If I seem sluggish, or inattentive, it is the weight of love, my dears. You have overwhelmed me.
My heart is more! Full with some of you
As I have been away, I am not sure what I am doing. Or what you are doing.  know that I have barely said hi to a few of you, but I warn you that I WILL REMEMBER YOU.  My love to you.
My best love to my newest watchers:
:iconsweety1994:
:iconmelissrrr:
:iconxxkarlosxx:
:iconthanatiic:
:iconkrissy6:
:iconvigolw:
:iconshiprasweety:
:iconrohit-choudhary:
:iconelecyan:
:iconalexia3789:
:iconanalillithbar:
:iconhmissxx:
:iconkick-artist:
:iconstemerrigan:
:icontarkanbeha:
:iconsugaree-33:
As if I hadn't had enough…………
I want to point out a few great artists, but I am so very far behind…
This is what gets me…
Little Mind Reader by BlueAnomiS Genderbent who: 11 by jamdoughnutmagician :thumb313563327: :thumb330227849: :thumb329140546: :thumb213392754: :thumb273068763: Turning red by HMissXX Girona... Spain... 2010... by HMissXX But the wizard never comes by HMissXX let it be by EniPerdu
:thumb297181253: A Third One... by JocelyneR :thumb253431099: Vortex Vision by offermoord
High Pitched Scream by TheChanChanMan :thumb318212906: Left Handed by MintyShroom eye by alastock
The Walk by vmulligan Darkness by Joe-Maccer :thumb323000320: soar by subhankar-biswas
So…..I want to saythankyou..:thumb334686716: Southerness by TheChanChanMan :thumb324453385:

Mature Content

Linea by offermoord
I Am A Child by Joe-Maccer
Happy birthday my friend,
A Dear Friend - WIP by jjkiefer
I cant' and I won't try………….
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW5QCt…
So with all of the love I enjoy, and every bit of envy in me, I present to you these beautiful people.  I wish you all the happiness you can endure………….
And the word?
That awful word.
Why speak it at all?
I prefer not to.
My love to :iconartbybeverly: You are a queen among things.And more than an inspiration………… :D
And :iconblack-rhapsody: a light in the dark. My heart, always, and forever.

I drew a  bigger heart, with what I could find.
So I will say to you all, step in.
Step into my little heart.
Step lightly.
AOIAK
My dears, my lovers, my livers.
A kiss.all of it.
dave
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXw_p3…


And what is that word? I leave it to you to guess…………….
But please never speak it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nzu4LE…
Hallelujah, my dears, Hallelujah.
And on we stagger…………..
© 2012 - 2024 xCINNx
Comments41
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subhankar-biswas's avatar
i admire how beautifully you convey in words what some of us feel. i try, i fail. the overwhelmingness (see, some people need to invent words :lol: ) of what i feel inside. i guess spoken language will never be enough.

just know that i understand, and empathise. i gladly accept your invitation to step inside the heartspace, and offer you mine.
:heart: