Ok. Here we, here we go……..
This is about Kevin. Maybe not obviously so, but it is. Who is Kevin? We will come to it.
First, "Today I pulled three green frogs out of leaf and bark, where the grapevines climb a convenient barn, I told 'em you shall be something tenacious and exalted, you are mighty, you are gracious, you are lauded, then I let 'em go…" -Aesop Rock "Gopher Guts"
Recently, I have been enjoying the syncretic path of all things "language".  The how and the why we express ourselves, define ourselves, and understand each other, the world we share, and the universe we inhabit. With overwhelming ALLOFIT, I have tried to take it all in at once. From the shores of musing on the semiotics of the text message (of which I wish to write on soon) to the heights of the mountain called the big questions, sparks flew. Sometimes, the variety of how this is expressed when trying to take it all in causes little coughs, little pimples, little accidents…..
Back to Kevin for a moment. I suppose Kevin and I began to become actual friends when I was faced with an art show, though we had been friends for awhile. I didn't want to actually be there, and I thought of Kevin first. I asked him to play me and be me as "CINN". We found this terrific fun, and in the following months, our lives dovetailed together. We talked more and more often together of living, of music, of heartache, of everything. We began to daily encourage in each other the best of what we saw, and became closer, and confidents. For some time, Gabe and Kevin and Myself were always together, and I won't forget that time. We became brothers. And I have found in them such character, and such support that I cannot be grateful enough, nor finish thi……..
Say Hello.
There is a current of you in all of what I say. I want to encourage you, my brother, as well as all that come to this little commentary. So back again to the big big. I was writing an email about Elliott Smith, and sharing my love of him with someone out there in here, when I found myself extending the email to larger thoughts. I was listening to hip hop, and thinking about Hamlet's most known phrase, "To Be Or Not To Be". I realized that there was a direct reference to it on that very album, and misidentified it. That is how I found something even better. The actual reference was "Final question: 'not to be'. 'not to be' is right! Next question"…..www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSthq8…
but instead, my mind went to what grabbed me hardest from the beginning. The last track of the album. I will not quote it here, but it is structured as three verses, all capped with an experience with nature, in the form of three baby animals each time. He finds three, and blesses them, and then releases them. This was to me so very metaphysical, but what is most striking is the third verse. It is a litany of his failings as a human being….then he finds three ghost crabs……….
The start of the verse is "I have been completely unable to maintain any semblance of relationship on any level, I have been a bastard to the people who have actively attempted to deliver me from evil…."
When faced with the famous question, most of us would say Yes, absolutely. To be is obvious, surely. But any attempt at an intellectual answer is what makes it powerful. We all have our own despair, and our own failings. There is a less intellectual answer, and more honest. To accept ourselves and all the flaws that comes behind us like a wedding train, to take a real step forward  in the world, we must turn ourselves outward. We are, after all, not alone. We are all part of the same thing, and our various expression, dialect, our very language, both unite and remind us of this fact. To turn inward, and ignore, to separate ourselves with "our" pain, is the very opposite of the concept of "What Ails Thee?"
The acceptance and care of others, the acknowledgement of anothers' unique nature and beauty is both the question and the answer. And then….the blessing. So said a little clod of clay. *
My dear friends, I am very flawed. I isolate myself, feel sorry for myself,  always brushing kind and tender hands away…But then there is YOU. With your expression, with your love, with your support, with your beautiful humanity, with your YOU. I bow my head, my proud and stupid head. Then I ask you humbly, "What ails thee?"
I find the phrase so famous totally selfish. Let us act instead. Time for love…
And this is going to be mathematical. Also kind of random. Hello to some new friends….
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDWZw3…

"Today I pulled three baby snakes out of moss and dirt…."

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"today I pulled three green frogs out of leaf and bark…."

Mature Content

"today I pulled three ghost crabs out of rock and sand, where the low tide showcased a promised land, I told 'em you are going to be something dynamic and impressive, you are patient, you are gallant, you are festive…then I let 'em go….."


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I have not included here the work of some of my best and dearest friends. Also, I have not included some of my new friends.  It is a pain to me to exclude, and I am sorry. But I think of you and appreciate you nonetheless. My love to Canan, to Hermetic Wings, Chery, Blueanomi, acid bath, ana, Kelly, Lili, Melly, Dana, Sweety, Axel, Kick, krissy, Peachy, Mags, Jayde, chan, KD, cap'm Blackheart, Arachno, nicht, Swfan, serenity, Dincturk, My dearest PK, Hij, Mustafa, gloom, elaska on da moon, 19carwheels, offer,  To Bev, To Mona, To Elena, To Selina, To Lacmile, To minty, To sev, To Tcorey, To Joe, To DAX!, Plow, To Belvane, To Emo, To Jammie, to My new friends not included, and to my old friends.
But special welcome to my new friend
check her out. I think you will find delight.
My love to you all.
Back to the thing?
Yes. Kevin. This is about you. One way or another. You have turned yourself out. And for other's sake. I cannot begin to express it. I am that baby snake, frog, crab. I thought I was the other, but I was wrong. You have ever been a friend to me. And that goes for all those mentioned here, and those not mentioned. Thank you for such a marvelous journey, and for the love.
To be is not the question after all. It takes realization and action. This is what I have learned.
Let us take care of each other. There is only now. We are not immortal. We have this moment. This nowness, this now! what infuriates me MOSTis that people WAIT until they LOSE somebody before they realise how much that person meant to them.
then they cry and spend the rest of their lives in REGRET.
why can't they show the person how much they love them while the person is ALIVE?
...
sorry for the outburst. happens to me EVERY time somebody i know dies. i just spent the last few days consoling another bunch of bereaved people.
why do most people act as if everybody's going to live forever? is it foolishness? or just plain arrogance?
i wonder how many more corpses i'll carry to the cemetery before i see loved ones NOT beating their chests in regret (not just grief).
SHOW THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM EVERYDAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY. read this!

This is the time to say "I love you", and we must do it when we can.
For me, I say "I love you all". and it is unfair to Kevin to surround this whole thing in hip hop. So I offer something more to his liking in the coda…all the way back…..
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nabO_U…

May I receive all evils, may my virtues go to others
AOIAK
d.



*William Blake- the clod and the pebble.
-all other songs beside Elliott Smith Belong to Aesop Rock,. My special thanks to Aesop for his kindness and presence of mind. And his inspiration. My love. Serious.