He sat slack on his horse, his lance held limply in his hand. All the while the blood in the snow held him in a trance. Three drops of blood formed a perfect picture in his mind, and this picture was a face. It is what made him, these three drops of blood in the snow. *This was the turning point, the hard road back as someone new, the "spine" of the whole thing. The failure, and the humanizing.  In my opinion, the best part of any really good story. The "middle" part, if you will. But right now, and just for a little while, please let him stare.
I found blood on the floor the other day. I did stare at it awhile. It was mine, though at the time, it was a mystery to me. I wrote the most important text message of my life, which said that I walked with a limp that day, and stared at blood I found on the floor. Then I deleted it.
As I drag my foot very intentionally, in more ways than one, I ask myself why the hell would anyone start this kind of message with such a strange story.  So, why? I don't know. Perhaps I am crazy. Perhaps it is an excuse. But I am banking on crazy. To all of you, I am sorry to take so damn long.
What I really want to say to you all, is thank you so very much. From the bottom of both my hearts, I love you. And the real real reason why this whole message carries with it an offness is something very vital to how very much I appreciate you all. The birthday wishes I have had, and the gifts and terrible beauty from all of you has been not just overwhelming, but so very cherished and well……..needed. Honest. I checked in from my phone when I could over the past week, and every time was greeted with such love and support that I cannot begin to thank you all….oh, wait. Yes, I certainly can!
So, before I say anything else
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, TOO!!!!
Thank you my friends….

I want to share with you my wonderful cake, as there is plenty, and it is made of love

My beautiful friend Canan made this for me, and I have to say, so much I have no words for. I just stare, and it is so very beautiful!



And my new friend has dedicated this loveliness to me, and it is so very cherished and beautiful…..

:thumb321738734:

I have also had a gift from someone so wonderful and so dear, that if you don't know her, you really should. My friend, and sister (sort of J),
Beauty is all she does, and everything she does. My love for this beauty, dear.

fav.me/d5bmw64
Sorry, couldn't get a thumbnail L

As if that wasn't enough, I was treated to my OWN WORK in this (otherwise) lovely feature by  
Honestly, this really brought me so much pride and joy. Though we have known each other for such a short time, you have really shown me such love and support. Also, you have shown me what a wonderful person you are. Thank you so very much.

:thumb322331249:

As far as knowing people for a short time………I must give special mention to another as well.
This is someone I like to call Bev
Though we have only met recently, I feel as though I have known you my whole life. But what I want to say here is that your contributions to my life since I have met you are without measure or scale. You have a vastness about you that I cannot understand. Yet, I am so grateful. Your friendship to me is a gift I am truly thankful for.
I am happy that the world placed you here.
To thank you for your kindness. You are in my heart, and a part of it.
To I think no one in the entire world has beautiful words like yours. And in my case, everything you say is so lovely and so right. Even the T**t. I loved that actually, very much. J You are so very much dear to me. My love to yourself, and your family.
To my dearest Every song needs a melody, as every stream needs a stone, to bend it and to make it unique. You are so very special to me, and despite all of the other things that life is and does to us, you are very much in the center of my heart. You are a gift, and a truly wonderful human being, and have always since I met you been selfless in your love. I take joy in knowing you and more in everything you do. You, my dear, are very loved.

I have so many to thank for kindnesses, both for my birthday, and for everything else.
And I want to add that ALL of you are dear to me. I have a bad habit of not saying it enough to each one of you.

But I want to mention a few
You are such a friend. I don't speak to you enough, yet you always lend me support.
You are a great friend. Thank you. We must talk more! J
Mona mona, my dear!  We barely speak anymore, but rest assured that I have every bit of love for you as always! You are an amazing friend and so lovely in so many ways. I dearly love you, and I wish you happiness.
It is so kind of you to send me birthday wishes. I am glad for you, and for your constant friendship. I should be more supportive of you, as I know I should. I am in awe of what you do, and my reluctance to say so is pure laziness on my part. You are a wonderful person, and I am glad to know you.
Though we don't talk very much, I always feel friendship between us. Thank you for being there, and for being so very supportive of me. You are most welcome in my heart, and that is a promise.
if ever anyone tells you that you are less than a brilliant friend, slap them in the face, and say it is from me. You are ever and always loved by me, and I will stand on a box of matches and whistle if I must. Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better friend. You are better than me in so many ways, and I hope that one day I grow up to be just like you. I know, I have said this before. But honestly, Jams, you are the knees of the bees, though I doubt you believe I am telling the truth. I love you very much, and I mean it!
I don't know you well(yet!!). But I appreciate you, and I am very glad for your kindness. My love to you
believe it or not, I have quite a bit to say to you. For now, I will say that you are very precious, and I care for you so very much. You were there for me when no one else was, and I doubt I would be who I am now without your love and constant friendship. You are very special and always will be to me. Also, you are effing crazy, and I love you for that as well. Very much so. I shall wear a dress, I promise! Xoxoxooxxxox
thank you my friend for your kindness to me. I hope to get to know you better, but for now, I am happy to share my love.
Thank you. I love what you do. I love who you are. I thank you for your kind wishes, and I hope that I know you better in this coming year.
What can I say? You are fantastic, and bring me so much joy, all of the time. I am always happy to hear from you, and I thank you for this bottle. I will drink it in honour of your youness. Your are quite weird, and that is me saying I like you. I have something to send you still, and I will. Promise. Hand deliver if I must! But it is YOURS nonetheless. Thank you for your wishes, my dear.
What can I say? You are such an amazing person, and a beautiful one. Thank you for your friendship, and your kind wishes. You are such a great friend, and one of my favorite people ever. And yes, I am very crazy. J
My love to you, dear Courtney!
My dear, I have so much to say, and yet so little. To be so open with someone is so very hard sometimes, and yet, with you, I feel it is so easy. Your heart is so tender, and so open, and so very beautiful. I am so thankful for your mind, your heart, and more importantly, you. I am so glad for you, and so glad to know you are a part of my life. Beauty is always present when you are here.

And lastly, to my dear
This is half a promise, but I have missed your birthday, my friend.
Happy Birthday to you!!

Mature Content

Please send offer my love
He is amazing.
My love and my next to dear Chan. I have not forgotten.

So much love has fallen in my direction, and I must pick this up as I can. And in my "normal" journal, which is to be the first since the recent trilogy, I shall try to gather these beautiful things. And then there will be cuddles!
Promise.
For the now, I thank my new watchers for coming along, and want to single out a few.
I want to give you special thanks. You are very kind to me, and you are so very appreciated.
You have given so much support lately that I have to place in my pocket of "very kind people". Thank you so very much for everything!!! My love…                                                      
To my new watchers, thank you for being here. I am happy to know you.
Thank you for all the many faves and the watch and everything!!! Glad to know you.
I saw your work on my birthday, and I was an instant fan. So very glad to meet you.
Thank you for coming with me on this journey. I have yet to respond to your message, but if you need anything, please let me know.
I am glad to know you, and hope to know you better. My kindest wishes to you, and more is to come!
Hello! I have met you, and I like you. I hope for wonderful times to come. We shall drink good beer, and that is for certain!
You are someone I already know to be a good person, and someone I feel good about. Here, there, or anywhere, I am sure we shall be friends.
You have been very kind to me. I am happy to me you. I am looking forward to knowing you better.
Thank you for your friendship. And thank you so very much for your dedication. I am very grateful to you for such a beautiful dedication. I am glad to be your friend.
We met under odd circumstance. But that is how it is sometimes. Glad I know you, and glad to call you friend. You are very welcome in my little world. J

For my non DA friends, you are many. But thank you Sarah, Scott, Rox, Justin, Jess, Matt, Matt, Mac, Joseph, Gabe, Nat (for the 15th celebration), and Dash for sharing your time and love with me. You are dearly loved. All of you.


I thank you all for the beautiful presence you have made in my life.
As this journal started, your kindness and support actually makes a HUGE difference in my little life.
Soon, I will say some more things, and show you some things I love, and maybe make some kind of point by the end. Withnow and withnail, I make noises to myself that have no meaning. I think they amount to words. My heart is so heavy with all I have inside, that it touches the floor.
But my love is true,
And my joy is unrelenting.
We shall carve the word love into this world, one way or another!!!!!!

My swimmers, my lovely ones, my joy and my light,
I shall end this weird thank you with my new favorite phrase,
"All The Way To Heaven Is Heaven"
D

- *My paraphrase of Parzival

My personal ps to all of this. My favorite birthday song, and one which I am happy to perform at your birthday. Please ask me to!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2bo_u…
And this, oddly, but not to me:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzmCkm…
This is the great New Model Army. Such a gorgeous song.
Somehow, in a place we have not yet seen, this is my birthday song.
Three drops of blood make it so.